That’s right, Tinkerbell is black!

We were watching the Disney Channel last night and at the commercial break, the Disney logo came up and to my great surprise, Tinkerbell-with black skin-fluttered by.

I was so shocked that I asked my daughter what color Tink’s skin was. She looked at me like I had gone crazy and replied, “black.”

In general, I don’t love Disney’s story lines-parents being killed, kids being abandoned, the lack of authentic ethnic role models (except maybe for Mulan-but my jury is still out on her, too) and other ‘exciting’ story lines.

So, for me to be singing Disney’s praises is a bit unusual. But, do you think they are ‘getting’ it. Do you think that Disney execs and creative people have finally realized that the world is more multi-dimensional, culture and racial than ever?

Some people will bash them for ‘pandering’ to ethnic groups in order to increase their bottom line and stock price. So what. They should be able to reap the rewards of recognizing that the world is not black and white.

Of course, my days of Disney bashing and of rolling my eyes and sighing, ‘don’t get me started on Disney’ are over. I applaud them for making what must have seemed like a risky move-after all Tinkerbell is not unrecognizable. The choice of Tinkerbell to carry the diversity flag for Disney says to me that they wanted the world to take notice.

Don’t worry about me, though. There are still plenty of people out there-especially in the media and entertainment world-who still need to ‘get it’ and provide our kids with realistic cultural and ethnic role model-and not in isolation. They need to be stars, to take risks and model the behavior that will lead our kids to a successful future.

With Respect,
Deb

An article in http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1647452-4,00.html Time questions whether or not we have become ‘anti-boy’?

Are our boys achieving less than girls? Are they more discouraged by global economics that they have retreated into their rooms, spending hour after hour getting fat and playing video games?

We aren’t surprised to read that girls out-perform boys in school,more boys drop out of school than girls and their reading levels are sub-standard. More girls than boys take the SATs, go to college or express passion for learning.

Christina Hoff Sommers, a fellow at the American Enterprise Institute, puts all of the pieces together and comes up with the notion that both the schools and popular culture are “failing boys, leaving them restless bundles of anxiety–misfits in the classroom and video-game junkies at home.” She goes further, saying “boyhood is toxic: as a pathology.”

Clearly, being functionally illiterate is a huge obstacle for later success-how can anyone, male or female get a job without learning to read? Not many.

So what can we do? First, recognize that there is, in fact, a problem. Second, we must shift our resources into spending time with our kids-the more the better.

But this is not a license to micro-manage your kids. In fact, many speculate that it is the lack of “boyhood basics” like competitions, adventures, belonging to groups and mentors that boys need-a need that some believe have remained constant for hundreds of years-that is the root of the problems boys are having.

Apparently, boys need ’structured freedom’ and the opportunity to compete for or against something in order to feel good about themselves. Does that mean that these needs are in male DNA code? Or a we just looking for a justification for our boys falling behind girls-a position that they most certainly would not like?

I am the parent of a girl. I have rearranged my life to be around while she is growing up. I try and give her the freedom she needs-without compromising her safety. She likes to compete-and hates to lose. And yes, she is a passionate learner.

But is that because the schools and society are giving her more attention somehow? Is she just naturally a smart and connected kid? Am I a super-mom?

Much as I would like to think that I am the best mom on the planet, I know better. My daughter has an eviable passion for life and learning that is enhanced by the opportunities that surround her.

Why shouldn’t our boys have the same experience? And why are we creating yet another divide or ‘ism’ in our society at a time when we should be looking for solutions to much bigger problems.

With Respect,
Deb

Every Four-Year-Old Knows a Teenager Like This

Four-year-old camper: Do you got a car?
14-year-old counselor: Uh, I can’t drive.
Four-year-old camper: So does your mom bring you here?!
14-year-old counselor: Yeah. I mean, I live in El Cerrito.
Four-year-old camper: But does that mean you live with your mom or something? Aren’t you in college?!
14-year-old counselor: Well, the truth is my license was revoked after I ran over those aliens. The FBI was angry because they needed to talk to them about the plans for the United States embassy on Mars, but it has to be kept hush-hush since the North Koreans may be on to them.
Four-year-old camper: Ohhh…

–California

via Overheard at the Beach, Jul 7, 2007

If you are not convinced that the books you select for your kids-either for them to read or for you to read to them-are an important element in shaping their values and world view, then you must not remember Cinderella’s story-you know the one-the one where she gets her prince and everything ends up happily ever after. Or you might not recall how many boys wanted to be just like Superman, Batman, Spiderman or any other hero. These characters were powerful role models for us and remain powerful role models for our kids.

The books you choose for your kids can reinforce or erase the values that you are trying to instill in them. If you want your daughter to aspire to be a princess with a prince to take care of her, then you are great with Cinderella stories. If you want her to get a more realistic picture of the world, you should consider adding other books to your library.

All mediums have power. For some reason if we see it in a book, in a newspaper or on TV we assume that it must be real and true and unfortunately this extends to the ads as well. So if you want your kids to learn to accept and respect others-and to realize that there are other kinds of people living in the world with them then you will want to expand their horizons.

Early exposure to diverse people and ideas doesmake a difference. Kids who are the beneficiaries of this exposure are statistically less likely to become bullies, be bullied or allow anyone else to be bullied. With this kind of skill set-the ability to judge people on their merits and not their look, language, smell etc. your kids will have a much higher chance of long term success.

And it can all start with books!

Each month, we will review a book that we think does the job. You can look at these books at simpleasthat.com.

Today, we are reviewing, Shapesville

Five friends-Robbie (the red rectangle), Cindy (the yellow circle), Sam (the blue square), Daisy (the orange diamond) and Tracy (the green triangle) discuss their differences and celebrate what makes each of them unique. While we are partial to real world examples the message that it is not what you look like—shape, size, color etc. that truly matters. The rhyming text and simple illustrations using bold primary colors is a winner with children.

Do you have any favorites that help you instill and reinforce values in your kids-without hitting them over the head, of course.

Let me know.

With Respect,
Deb

There is another storm brewing in Cobb County, Georgia today. Local officials are trying to cap the number of people living under the same roof. They are also concerned about the number of cars parked at an individual residence.

Some residents applaud the moving saying that their property values are negatively impact by the number of people and cars at the same location. Opponents of the measures say that this is an attempt to discriminate against people of Hispanic and other ethnic backgrounds.

This controversy does smell of racial discrimination-hidden behind the guise of property values. When are we going to wake up and smell the coffee? This kind of hidden discrimination does not help our children to respect and celebrate all people.

Are the people in question breaking any laws by living in crowded conditions? Do we want to live in the fantasy that they want to live in a house that can’t accommodate them comfortably? Let’s get real. Everyone does what he or she has to do to take care of themselves and their families. What they don’t need is some nosy, racist neighbor making a difficult life more difficult.

What is happening in Cobb County happens all over the world where the price of housing is astronomical. Take a look at Hong Kong and other Asia cities. Large extended families live together in small apartments so that the children can save for their own families and apartments. There is just no other choice.

Instead of making things difficult for different groups of people-almost universally minorities-should we be looking for ways to make things just a bit easier or at least not put up premeditated roadblocks that serve no purpose other than to line a white person’s pockets?

This debacle has the look and feel of the immigration controversy recently dinged in Congress. When are we and our government going to create policies that preserve human dignity for everyone?

Today would be a good time to start.

With Respect,
Deb

Parents in Tennessee were ordered to reliquish custody of their Chinese-born daughter to her birth parents.

Just reading those words can send shivers down the spines of even the most secure adoptive parent. But when you know the rest of the story-that the child had been in foster care in US because her birthparents lost their income and medical insurance and did not understand that they were potentially giving up their custodial rights. They just thought they could leave her in foster care until they got back on their feet.

Seven year later, the young girl-who has lived with the Tennessee couple-will be returned to her birthparents by the end of July. The judge ruled that the birthparents did not understand the consequences of their actions and in fact, had been fighting for her since they put her into foster care.

Some people are outraged-how can rip away all that the girl has come to know? How can the seperate her from the ‘parents’ who raised her for the last seven years? Many wonder what the long-term consequences of the decision on the child.

At the end of the day, this girl belongs with her parents-in this case the ones who brought her into this world. In fact, all children are better off if they are raised by their birthparents and in their birth-culture if it is possible.

Now, this doesn’t mean adoption is wrong and that all children of adoption should be returned to their birthparents. Far from it. What it means is that we better make darn good and sure that the children who are available for adoption, are, in fact, available for adoption. No glitches in the system should be acceptable.

The heartache and heartbreak that everyone in the Tennessee situation went through is enormous and has to be eliminated-not just in this case but for all adoptions.

It is stories like this-that make national headlines-that reinforce the negative stereotypes about adoption. In this case, it also reinforces stereotypes and myths about Chinese people and their acceptance in this country.

Adoption, like racism, sexism, ageism etc is just another divide-another way for people to seperate themselves from others-and not in a positive way.

We have to stop all the ‘isms’. We have to get our kids on a level playing field-no matter what they look like, where they come from or how they joined their families.

Let’s do the right thing…starting right now.

With respect and celebration,
Deb

We are well into day three of Asian Culture camp. It is about 80 degrees with 100 percent humidity. The weather was horrendous-a five mile drive took 2 1/2 hours.
It wasn’t pretty.

But all of the camper and their parents straggled in-all telling their own version of traffic hell. Little did they know-or care-that almost every one else had the exact same story.

Don’t get me wrong, it took me three hours to get here….but I didn’t feel the need to tell my story-it took everyone a long time, everyone was wet and everyone was sweaty. There was some comfort (although misery does love company, I suppose) in knowing we were all in the boat together.

Since we had plenty of time in the car to chat, I asked my daughter what she liked best at camp. She said, my friends, cooking and culture (she likes culture because the teacher always gives them candy). She didn’t mention that she felt comfortable in a group of Asian girls and boys, so I asked her if it felt good to have so many kids around her that looked like her.

After she stopped rolling her eyes and sighing she informed me that it didn’t matter that the kids were all from Asia, ‘what matters is that we all have fun.’

I wonder if by leveling the racial/ethnic playing field helped the kids simply relax and have fun.

What would happen if everyone felt the same way.

This week my daughter attends ‘culture camp’. Culture camp is a week long cultural immersion program for kids who joined their families through adoption from Asia. She has ‘camp’ friends-girls and boys she sees once a year-and they pick up from where they left off the year before.

Believe me, this is not a very glamorous camp. It takes place the third week of July-which is inevitably the hottest week of the year. The camp takes place in a church which is not air-conditioned and is a bit smelly. The kids go through seven or eight ‘periods’ each day. They cook, take language and dance classes, Tae Kwon Do, Arts and Crafts and music.

It is one of the few places that my daughter blends into the crowd. Frankly, I think the environment where all the kids have dark hair, almond-shaped eyes and joined their families throught adoption that is the appeal-and what keeps the kids coming year after year.

I have thought about how she must feel being one of the ‘onlies’-only child, only Asian, only adopted kid etc, but since I have not lived those feelings, I can only experience it intellectually.

Today, I was looking for her in the music class and got a more viceral experience.

The kids were sitting in the chapel with their backs to me and were all wearing yellow t-shirts (it was picture day). I had a moment of panic when I could not pick her out of the crowd. I couldn’t believe it. She is my child. I know what she looks like. But the pony-tailed, yellow shirted girls all looked alike.

I had to walk to the front of the room, to spot my daughter.

This experience made me wonder what my daughter sees when she is looking for me in a sea of Caucasians. It also reminded me what it feels like to be a minority-if only for a week.

Are you in situations where your kids are in the majority most of the time, or do they struggle to ‘fit in’ to our Caucasian standards.

It makes you think.

With Respect,
Deb

My friend’s daughter got married yesterday. Becky joined the family when her parents adopted her from Korea when she was a baby.

She and her husband made a beautiful couple and were shining with their love and the support of family and friends. It was a great day.

When Becky went to the salon she had been going to all of her life to get a pre-wedding manicure, the manicurists (all Korean) patted her on the head and sighed-”too bad he’s a white boy.”

While we all chuckled when her mother related that story, it made me stop and think. I am pretty connected to my own biases-they are pretty typical of women my age, reace and background I think. I guess I knew that all people carried biases along with them-I just never really thought that Caucasians as the object of racism. It had just never occured to me (ok, so I am a little slow on the uptake).

And that is a bias in and of itself.

Where it nets out for me is that I need to open my eyes and look at things from other perspectives.

In other words, its time to put up or shut up.

I know, I usually make this fun Friday, but I saw this on www.overheadatthebeach.com and it stopped me cold. If Overheard at the beach really comprises things that people actually overhear and submit then this is racism at its worst-and reflects the ignorance of the speaker.

If it is a “joke” that is even worse. “Jokes” can and do reinforce and spread racism and bias. When we think we are ‘funny’ at someone else’s expense-what does that say about us?

Ask yourself if this is funny or racist-it can’t be both can it?

I Was Told This Was a Gated Community

Mom: I don’t think we can stay at this hotel the whole time.
Daughter: Why? What’s wrong? It’s not that bad…
Mom: No, there’s just so many Mexicans at the pool.
Daughter: We’re in Mexico, mother!

–Puerto Vallarta, Mexico

With Respect:
Deb