Enjoy the weekend.

I hope this gets you off to a good start!

With Respect, Deb

FROM Overheard in New York

Very Similar To The Sound of Hands Clapping

Father to Little Boy: You really don’t have to talk all the time
Little Boy: But I don’t.

Father: Oh, really?
Little Boy: Yeah, I don’t talk in my sleep.

Father: How do you know that?
Little Boy: When I am sleeping I can actually hear myself not talking!

USPS employees might not be afraid of the weather, but your kids may be. How can you reassure them that they are safe when all around us we are surrounded by a sometimes dangerous Mother Earth.

Yesterday’s 7.9 earthquake in Peru raised a tsunami alert for most of the western coast of South America, while on the other side of the world, a hurricane was bearing down on the Hawaiian Islands. Wild fires are scorching the Western states. Fast on the heels of a tornado in Brooklyn another hurricane seems headed towards the Gulf Coast. And this is just the beginning of hurricane season.

This is scary stuff-even for adults. But just imagine what your kids are feeling. They may fear for your safety and theirs as well as other family members, pets and friends. You can’t really tell them not to be afraid. But you can tell them the truth-you will do everything in your power to keep them safe.

Unfortunately, the increase in awareness-and fear-of sometimes devastating natural events is something that all share. Acknowledging kids’ feelings and concerns while showing them how to cope with the anxiety will go a long way to helping kids put things in perspective.

Here is where a good book can really help. Kids tend to believe that if it is in a book, then it must be real. In Today We Had A Hurricane the beautiful collage art reinforces the message that the family is safe and sound and riding out the storm together.

Even if you don’t live in a hurricane zone-don’t forget the tornado in Brooklyn Today We Had A Hurricane (also available in Spanish) will help you engage your children in conversations that might be hard to start otherwise.

With Respect,
Deb

In case you have been under a rock for the past five years or so, our country is undergoing a massive sea change in our demographic composition. We saw the inklings in the 2000 US Census, but the mid-term Census report is even more dramatic.

These few statistics should be enough to get you thinking about what you are doing with your kids to ensure that they are able to ‘play nice in the sandbox’ with their peers?

Take a look:
1. Within just a few years, the New York metropolitan region — which includes the nearby counties in New York, Connecticut and New Jersey — is projected to become the first large metropolitan Non-Hispanic whites are a minority

2. Asians were the only major ethnic or racial group to record population growth in
every county in the New York Metro area.

And New York is not alone:
1. Four states - California, Texas, Hawaii, and New Mexico - are already ‘majority-minority’ states.

2.Nearly one in every 10 of the nation’s 3,141 counties has a population in which multicultural groups comprise more than 50% of the total.

3. Los Angeles County’s minority population is now larger than the state populations of each of 38 states.

No matter what your kids look like, where they live or who they hang out with, one thing is for sure-the landscape isn’t going to look like it did when you were growing up. In addition to the pressures-like 24/7 communication and information-our kids face, they are going to have to be able to view people-all people for what they are about and not what they look like, where they were born or what language they speak.

Our country has shifted from the Great Melting Pot, to the Great Salad bowl. Today, each person retains his own distinct flavor-rather than try and meld and blend into a generic American. As your children develop their own unique flavor they are going to have to make sure that it can exist side-by-side with others who may have different ‘flavors’.

What we do today to help our children to understand and respect everyone is up to us.

The staple of childhood, Goldfish, has an ad with a headline that reads: How children see the world depends on what WE teach them.

There are so many opportunities to talk about what we share and how we are different from other people-you can use the 2008 Olympics to begin a conversation about China and how it has changed and what that means to us-today. You can choose books and toys, games and puzzles that show kids authentic representations of people from all over the world. You can point out that career stereotypes are just that-stereotypes, there are plenty of male nurses, secretaries and teachers as well as female doctors, engineers and deep sea divers.

The opportunity to give out kids the gift of tolerance starts now-with us.

With respect,
Deb

If I ever doubted the importance of ethnic and racial role models for children of color the events in my household yesterday was enough to change my mind forever!

I ordered my daughter-remember the girl born in China-a Karito Kids doll named Wan Ling. First of all the doll is simply beautiful and quite authentically Chinese. Secondly, the company donates a portion from the sale of each doll to a charity that kids choose and can follow. But enough about me! The real story is my daughter’s reaction.

My girl has never been much for dolls. When pushed she did get an American Girl Doll (Kaya, the American Eskimo) and she will pull her out occassionally, but she was way more interested in the horse that Kaya came with, so I was not anticipating that she would flip over Ling.

And flip she did. When she opened the package, she gasped and said, “she looks just like me.” She turned the doll over, looked at her again and began kissing her making her comfortable in her new ‘home’. She made Ling a bed, got pillows for her, changed her into pajamas. Ling even ate dinner with us last night. Shockingly, my daughter cleared out her beloved stuffed animals in her closet to make an apartment for Ling. All the while, my daughter kept looking at her and telling me how beautiful she was and how much Ling looked like her. My daughter played with that doll more in one night than she has played with any combination of dolls in seven years.

She just couldn’t get over that this doll looked like her. It really was amazing to see the reaction she had to this doll-and to reinforce how much children do need authentic-looking toys and books in their lives. The ‘look-alikes’ resonate with them and validates their images of themselves and other people of color.

Of course, that is not all of the story. When we were reading Ling’s story, my cerebral daughter noted that they were very much alike, they both loved pandas and zoos. However, when my daughter read that Ling had just relocated with her family from Chengdu to Shanghai she started to cry! Why? Because the doll and her story reminded my daughter of her life in China-one that is shrouded in mystery. She missed China. When Ling expressed her feelings of loss when her family moved, my daughter went back in time and space to a place that she can only imagine.

My daughter-while incredibly attuned to the sense of loss she feels for her birthparents and country of origin-has never quite had the same kind of reaction. It was as if Ling’s sadness somehow gave her permission to explore her own loss at a different level.

Wow, what a doll.

The importance of images of all kinds of people, places and things can not be downplayed for any children. Your children may not have the visceral reaction that my daughter did, but they will see a kid, with real issues and feeling and realize that they are more alike than different. Coupled with an authentic images and your attention to using ‘people-first’ and non-biased language, your children get a real lesson in diversity without the emotion that sometimes accompanies discussion of diversity, bias, and racism.

So, it is some doll. But without you subtly or not so subtly encouraging your children to look at the world from different points of view it might as well sit on the shelf.

Look around your home today and see what images-decor, toys, books, etc-are displayed and what isn’t displayed. Then see if you are willing to do something about it.
I know that I am constantly looking for ways to make diversity part of our lives rather than something we ‘do’. Frankly, it is easier that way.

With respect
Deb

The 2008 Olympic Games are less than a year away-and the Chinese are getting ready to show the world what they are made of.

Of course, simply holding the Games in Beijing means it open-season on China-bashing. Whether human rights, unyielding poverty in the rural areas or China’s contribution to global warming-everyone has an opinion. Even ESPN is getting into the act with an article titled The Bamboo Curtain
(http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/eticket/story?page=bamboocurtain.

The story chronicles the authors drive from Beijing to Chengdu (the same approximate distance from New York to Dallas). Not surprisingly, he comes away realizing that for all of the benefits the coming Olympics is bringing to the cities the rural areas are literally watching the world go by. The revenue and opportunities that await Chinese cities are non-existent in the countryside.

But whatever the benefit to China, there are also trade-offs. As Chinese cities are bulldozed to make way for Olympic venue and other ‘modernization’ projects, traditional ways of life in China are threatened. Hutongs-the alleys between court-yard dwellings-and a visual and important image of ‘old China’ are being torn down to make way for modern structures. It is interesting that this important piece of Chinese tradition and culture survived Mao’s cultural revolution may not survive the Olympics!

The seeming demise of “Old China” saddens me. I am all for progress, but I yearn for a way to preserve the old ways in the process. Is the world becoming homogenized in the name of progress, or do we simply need to let traditions pass under the noise of cranes and tractors.

Yes, all people are created equal and we need to treat each other with respect and dignity, but the differences are just as important. Without traditions and culture and history we are simply automotons-driven to make money without regard to the things we are giving up.

It is also interesting that in the US we have a ‘back to the basics’ movement of sorts. You can see evidence of this in Martha Stewart’s success and publication like “Real Simple” continued ad page growth in an otherwise abysmal advertising climate.

As the parent of young lady born in China, I am hoping to connect her to Chinese culture and tradition of the old China as well as pride in the new China. I just hope there will be an ‘old’ China for her to see.

With Respect
Deb

I just couldn’t resist….given my post earlier in the week…

Enjoy!

As In: Bitch, Please, I Know What It Is!

Toddler, pointing out window: Bitch!
Grandmother: Bridge. It’s a bridge.
Toddler: Bitch!

–F train

Overheard by: Russ Wall

via Overheard in New York, Aug 4, 2007
And that’s it!

My daughter and I love this book-I Love My Hair by Natasha Anastasia Tarpley. The ability to say “I love my hair” may be just about the most powerful statement of self-acceptance there is. Of course, most of us don’t like our hair.

It is too curly, too straight, too coarse, too gray, too short, too long-the list of complaints is seemingly endless. Women-mostly-try and fix their hair. We straighten it (my sister used to iron her curly hair when we were kids), we curl it, we color it, we cut it, we grow bangs then grow them out, we try new ‘dos and after a few weeks or months we are back to where we started from.

Hair isn’t called our crowning glory for nothing. It is the one thing that we can change easily and often. And hair matters in all cultures. It is an expression of individuality, of style, of desire and beauty.

But who sets the standards of beauty?

The traditional standards of beauty are pegged against Western European (Caucasian) people. This means that the vast majority of women in the world are aspiring to standards that set by other people who don’t share similar physical attributes. I don’t look forward to the day, that my beautiful daughter who has silky raven hair wants a permenant because curly hair is back in style. With her pin straight, fine hair no perm in the world is going to give her the look she wants.

Black women report that their hair is a political statement a window into her self-esteem and identity. It is clearly more than a ‘feel good’. It is a visual representation of pride in heritage and self-respect.

That’s why we love “I Love My Hair”. First of all, the story is set against the backdrop of a time-honed mother/daughter bond-hair brushing. Secondly, when the young girl complains that the it hurts, her mother begins to show her how beautiful her hair is and how her hair is tied into her heritage and identity. It is a wonderful way to get a child to connect and be proud of her heritage-without holding herself to arbitrary Western European standards of beauty.

When we acknowlege that other people’s physical charactertics-the ones that are different than ours-are beautiful and we can show our children that there is no one way to be beautiful then we have taken a step to ending biases and helping our children create a world that celebrates and respects people rather than denigrates those that are different from us.

So, the next time you are reading, watching TV or movies with your child you can start by pointing out the beauty in all of the people they see: Corbin Bleu-of High School Musical fame-has fantastic hair. London Tipton, played by Brenda Song a young Asian woman, has gorgeous skin and beautiful hair and let’s not forget Vanessa Ann Hutchin’s eyes-they are great. Acknowledging that these kids are all beautiful doesn’t mean that the All-American kids aren’t beautiful as well. But there is no better way to demonstrate to your kids that you don’t have to look the same to be beautiful.

We can really show them that there are lots of ways to be beautiful-and that’s power.

With respect,
Deb

I want to thank Michelle for pointing out that I had cited the incorrect site for the makers of those wonderful dolls that I highlighted yesterday.

The correct web address is www.karitokids.com

Have fun shopping.

With respect and apologies,
Deb

It seems that an elected official in Brooklyn is trying to drum the word ‘bitch’-referring to a cranky or otherwise unpleasant woman-out of our lexicon. She claims-and I agree-that this term is incredibly demeaning and should be used to refer to female dogs of the canine persuasion.

Naturally, this has caused quite a flap-from other elected officials in Brooklyn, to comics and celebrities and of course men. The men seem to be the most outraged. In a nutshell, they thing this woman is overreacting. They insist that the word bitch, in the right context is harmless (people said that about the ‘n’ word, too)

Interesting, no? Considering, that men aren’t-bitches; being bitchy and they don’t get ‘bitch slapped’. How would they know that being called a bitch isn’t an affront to someone who is?

That is what chaps my a–.

We are so quick to complain that political correctness run amok and that the ’slight’ changes in language are not important enough to lose sleep over. But, have you noticed that the the people who beat that particular drum aren’t usually the victims of hurtful language.

Case in point-men and bitches. What do you think would happen if we started referring to men as bitches (in the same context as women, of course). Those same me who are telling us to ‘cool our jets’-that being called a bitch isn’t a big deal-would be apoplectic if the tables were turned.

Of course, there are examples everywhere. Who are Caucasians to say that a Native American is being over sensitive when they are referred to as red men? Why can’t a person who is blind be recognized a person first and blind second (or at all). If we aren’t blind or handicapped, or black or Native American or short, tall, fat, thin, Asian, Hispanic, bald or whatever then we have no idea what would be offensive to those who are. Why are we so quick to dismiss what the effected person feels. Who made us in charge of what is offensive to the collective world.

What does this have to do with raising great kids? Everything.

When we teach our kids to respect and celebrate mankind-whatever kind they are-we are teaching them to give people the right to define what is offensive and draw boundaries. Our kids need to know that it is not ok to label and stereotype. Language is an incredibly powerful tool. We have been somewhat successful in changing some of our language and labels but we are far from finished. We have to keep after ourselves to respect others-in every way-until it becomes viscerally ingrained-something that we don’t have to think.

Frankly, this is just the first step and it is just about the easiest thing we could do. That’s ok, though because it takes a lot of raindrops to make an ocean-and a lot of ignorance to make a mountain out of molehill. Our job is to tell the difference between the two.

There is no surer key to your kids future success than that!

With respect,
Deb

Many of us roll our eyes and sign when we hear the word ‘diversity’. We may question whether or not we can individually make a difference, or we may be sick and tired of folks making diversity a political correctness issue.

But sometimes things just click and there are ways to introduce your kids (girls in this case, I suppose)to different cultures in a way that is FUN and giving at the same time.

Take a look at www.karito.com and their line of multi-cultural dolls. They are great! First of all the dolls are authentically beautiful-not a stereotype in sight. Secondly, the dolls each have a modern and hip story which kids will be able to relate to. Most importantly, once the dolls are registered online, kids can learn more about the different cultures that the dolls represent AND your child can vote on the charitable projects in each region that the Karito is involved in. You and your children will learn more about social responsibilty, world culture and charitable giving….all while playing with great toys!

This is a great example of ways to integrate diversity-racial, cultural, geograhical-into our kids everyday lives. It is through experiences like this-whether through books, music, games or toys that our children will really get the message that different is just different, not better or worse.

Many parents will spend a fortune on American Girl dolls-which are a great view into American culture. Are you one of the ones that see the value of adding a multi-cultural dimension to your kids experience.

If you do, we get one step closer to the level playing field that will help our children be safer and more successful.

Go for it….

With Respect,
Deb