The battle over the appropriateness of a recent YouTube video depicting adoption from China is still raging-weeks after the video was first uploaded. This discussion followed hot on the heels of the controversy generated by O. Yang’s photos of white fathers and daughters born in China. Like everything, some people feel that it is satire and other think it is a horrendous and destructive and racist piece of ‘entertainment’.

Who is right? And do we have the right to make that decision?

Merriman-Webster Online dictionary defines satire as:
1 : a literary work holding up human vices and follies to ridicule or scorn
2 : trenchant wit, irony, or sarcasm used to expose and discredit vice or folly

Franky, both the video and photo series meet the criteria as satire. Yet, members of the community were enraged that these artistic endeavors saw the light of day.
They want these types of things stricken from our collective memories? Other think that if something offends you then you should just not partake.

So what is a thinking person to do? Surely, ignoring the offensive material is one way. Censorship of offensive material may be desirable, but not realistic in our free speech society.

Thinking people have to come to grips with the fact that there will always be material, billed as entertainment, will sneak into our lives-and it will always create controversy. However, as time goes by, things that were once considered ok, become obsolete (think about Aunt Jemima Pancakes-Aunt Jemima was portrayed with a kerchief on her head, thick, full lips and curly, curly hair early on…and by the next generation her look had changed significantly because the earlier look was hopelessly stereotyped.) We can hope that what we find offensive will go the way of the original Aunt Jemima.

Until that happens, we might want to look at these things as opportunities to help our kids understand the role that the media plays in our points of view of what is ok and what isn’t. We can use these opportunities to discuss the ‘whys’ and ‘what ifs’ of our value systems.

It is a great opportunity for you to show your kids the difference between satire and racism-from your point of view. We should not give up the fight to eliminate bias and racism, but we should use what examples to show our kids the consequences of ’satire’.

With luck, by the time our kids get older, they will find hurtful satire has gone by the wayside because they don’t get the play they once had.

With respect,
Deb

If you NOT convinced that how we say and do things-even unwittingly-are picked up by our kids, read these REAL stories below…

A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, ‘Two plus five, that son of a is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine….’ His mother heard what he was saying and gasped,’What are you doing?’ The little boy answered, ‘I’m doing my math homework, Mom.’ ‘And is this how your teacher taught you to do it?’ the mother asked. ‘Yes,’ he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, ‘What are you teaching my son in math?’ The teacher replied, ‘Right now, we are learning addition.’ The mother asked, ‘And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?’ After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, ‘What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.’

It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children’s sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, ‘That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?’ The little girl replied, directly into the pastor’s clip-on microphone, ‘Yes, and my Mom says it’s a b-tch to iron.’

Have a great weekend.
With Respect,
Deb

I promised my daughter I would take her to Sea World in San Diego, CA for Thanksgiving-who wouldn’t want to share this festive day with Shamu?!

It has been many years since I have travelled to San Diego, so I was a bit flummoxed about how to begin to search for places to stay that were child-friendly and near the attractions we would want to visit-the beach, the Zoo, Sea World etc. I also wanted to be able to take cabs and walk places to eliminate renting a car (for some reason this has always been my least favorite part of traveling).

Looking online for accommodations and flights proved to be challenging-first the amount of information is enormous and there was no ability to compare and contrast, so the back button on my browser was working overtime.

Fortunately, I found Hotel Reservations. The site is very straightforward and has all the bells and whistles that a traveler might need-but they don’t get in the way of the information. It took me some time to get used to the way the information was presented-there is a lot of information in a little bit of space, but once that happened, I was good to go.

I started with hotels and was pleased to see that there were LOTS of choices-bed and breakfast, luxury, budget and everything in between and the prices were competitive-if not better than other sites. There was extensive information on each property-including distances to the places we want to see- which allowed me to further hone in on the area that was best for us. The best feature I found was the ability to compare the finalists and pick a winner-one that I don’t think I would have found on my own.

The search for flights was a not as successful, probably because we will be traveling at Thanksgiving. While the flights were limited, they were extremely economical and I liked the ability to view the results by price, total duration and total flight time-when traveling with a seven year old, travel time becomes quite important.

The vacation packages were also quite good. The ability to identify attractions we wanted to be near, took some of the guesswork out of the mix-and eliminated the need to make numerous phone calls to figure out if I would spend the week in the car or not.

Since we are also looking at a trip to China in the not-to-distant future, I also peeked at the hotel and flights for that journey. I have been shopping that trip for quite a while and was pleased to find out that the prices and choices were plentiful, varied and well-priced.

After some searching-I sure got the travel bug. Thankfully, travel is one great way to expose kids to other cultures, traditions and people, so I can feel good about giving my daughter great experiences that I can also enjoy-without breaking the bank.

Check em out and maybe we will see you in San Diego!

With Respect,
Deb

I confess, I love to read with my daughter before she goes to sleep. We do it every night (whether she wants to or not!).

Some of our favorite books are from The Magic Treehouse series by Mary Pope Osborne. We love traveling with Jack and Annie as the explore everything from the first Olympic Games to meals with lions and buffalo. We can almost hear the wind whooshing through the tree-house as they leave on their adventure and breathe a sign of relief when they arrive safely back in Pennsylvania.

These books are great for beginning readers and to read together. They allow the reader to experience history, nature, and other real life adventures through the eyes of contemporary kids. The juxtaposition of contemporary characters against historical events has been a great way to engage children and then even expand the conversation into a wonderful ‘teachable moment’.

The series also help children experience other cultures and traditions. For example in Hour of the Olympics, Jack and Annie are surprised to learn that girls can’t attend or participate in the Olympics. The inevitable “why” that kids will ask is an opportunity to talk about womens role in history and contemporary society-and to reinforce that boys and girls can do anything they set their minds to.

So, enjoy these books and let me know what interesting questions or observations that your kids come up with.

With Respect,
Deb

Finally, families formed through adoption have something to cheer about in the media. For the first time in recent memory a media vehicle has hit on the facts and emotions about adoption on the nose!

Congratulations are in order to the team, lead by Executive Producer Pierre Valette, who created the Arthur episodes following Binky Barnes and his family as they expand their family with the adoption of a baby girl from China. This is one of the first shows featuring adoption that wasn’t demeaning or pandering. In fact, reviews indicate just the opposite-the show was able to accurately portray some of the feelings that a waiting sibling might have when facing the addition of a new family member. Binky Barnes’s emotions run the gamete from excitement to dismay-and fear of getting the dreaded inoculations needed to travel to China to meet his sister.

This episode-and its sequel go a long way in normalizing adoption bringing it out of the shadows and exposing children and their parents to family formation in the real world. Attention is even paid to proper adoption language (probably for the first time in TV history). This show is a far cry from other adoption-related shows including the infamous Who’s Your Daddy which served only to infuriate families all over the country and exploit the participants.

Thank you Pierre Valette, the entire team and the folks at PBS for making this happen. We just took a giant step in leveling the playing field for families formed by adoption.

With respect,
Deb

The other night my mother was related a story about a gal in her office who had recently found her dream house. The woman is black.

The woman told my mother that she and her family loved the house,but were concerned that

there were so many Mexicans

in the neigborhood. My mother was shocked that a black person could be biased. She thought bigotry and racism were the purvey of Caucasians.

Of course, we know intellectually that everyone, everywhere has biases, but sometimes it seems that it is only white people who are biased (nothing like a little supremacy complex). That is simply not true-we just don’t hear about it or think about it.

There seems to be a racial hierarchy with whites a the top of the pyramid. Second in line seem to Asians (after all they are all bright and hard-working). Black and Hispanic people pull in behind Asians. Given the demographic coming attractions where white population decreases rapidly against the rise in non-white populations, this seems to be incredibly stupid.

My child is a child of color. Some people will actually say (or intimate) that ‘at least she isn’t black’. When I pick myself up off of the floor, I still have to bite my tongue, but what the heck is that all about?

If adults are surprised that all people are biased and if we are using a racial ‘rating system’ to determine one’s status in society then you can be sure that kids are getting that message loud and clear.

So ask yourself if you have any hierarchical racial system that you are unconsciously transferring to your children. You might want to consider putting a stop to that. You aren’t doing your kids any favors. Kids need to be cognizant that everyone deserves to be judged based on his or her strengths and weakness, not by any antiquated and biased points of view that seep out of the most well-meaning parents.

Unfortunately, racism, like poverty, violence and other societal ills truly cuts across all boundaries. It does seem sad that some of the things that we all share are so negative, while the positive things take a back seat. Today’s challenge is to become aware of how we ‘rate’ people and start to look at how we can keep it to ourselves.

Like any issue, recognition that there is an issue is the first step!

With respect,
Deb

September is National Hispanic Heritage and National Literacy Month. This combination is a great opportunity to expose your kids to Hispanic culture and encourage them to read.

Each Thursday in September, the books highlighted showcase Hispanic culture-and are personal favorites.

Enjoy, The Day It Snowed Tortillas / El Dia Que Nevaron Tortillas, Folktales told in Spanish and English-we did.

Books are an easy, fun and inexpensive way to give your children some of the tools they need to respect, celebrate and appreciate cultures, choices and abilities.

For a few books with a bit broader cultural context try these:

With Respect:
Deb

From bad to worse!

Some people just don’t get it-or are so interested in making money that they don’t care if they profit by abusing others.

CBS joins the rarefied crowd of those that ‘don’t get it’. As difficult as it is to believe, they replaced the controversial Don Imus with an even more (is it even possible) controversial racist, sexist and ethnocentric ’shock jock’.

Yep! They did it again when they announced that Craig Carton who’s history includes, Operation Rat a Rat/La Cucha Gotcha-a ‘game’ to turn in undocumented immigrants, ‘outing’ politicians THOUGHT to be gay and mocking Asians by mimicking accents and traditions.

To be fair, Carton wasn’t always a jerk. He has done sports formatted programs across the country and has successfully increased ratings in many of the markets he broadcast in. And like Imus, he has generously supported children’s charities. CBS is pairing him with ex-football player Boomer Esiason-who one can only hope will be the voice of reason.

CBS must think that-despite the Imus flap that there is a market for sexist, racist and other offensive programming. It is up to us to convince them that we don’t agree. This is the time to step up to the plate and vote with your pocketbook. Don’t listen to Carton’s show, don’t support the advertisers that support the show. Make your feelings about this type of programming known in the only way that CBS will respond to. We need to hit them in the pocketbook.

If you are serious about raising great kids, the example you set by fighting bias, racism etc will be the best thing that you do. They will know that you don’t just talk about changing things-you do something. That is more powerful than anything else you can do.

With respect
Deb

I am fortunate to live in a beautiful area of the United States, surrounded by beautiful ocean beaches and calm bays. It is an area that is frequented by the ‘rich and famous’ (who don’t drop by for a bar-b-que, in case you are wondering). In the summer, our mellow community is not so mellow. The beaches are crowded,parking impossible, the stores raise their prices for the ‘city’ people, there is a lot of traffic and tables at restaurants are hard to come by. Tempers are short-I guess when you are paying $300,000 to rent a beach house for a month, you have high expectations. The locals take it in stride, counting down the days until Labor Day and we get our communities back.

The summer visitors, on the other hand, are trying to squeeze in the last bit of fun before they head back to work and school. When the weather is magnificent, the pursuit of fun is even more frenetic.

We were fortunate to go to the beach twice this weekend-once on Saturday:

And again on Monday:

So, I was relaxed and happy coming into this week, hoping to get lots of work done and get my daughter ready for school…

With respect
Deb

I spent most of yesterday in technology hell!

It was ugly-but not as bad as these true computer questions collected from different sources:

1. Who do I remove a banana shoved in the optical drive?

2. My laptop was run over by a bus. How long will it take for you to fix?

3. You mean that pop-out tray is not a cup holder.

4. I dropped my cell phone in my kid’s chocolate milk and it got sticky, so I washed it in the sink. Then it was wet and I put it in the oven to dry. Now it doesn’t work and I can’t figure out why.

5.My floppy disk that won’t stay in the disk drive, so I used Superglue to keep it in the drive.

Unfortunately, technology sometimes gets the better of us. But, not to worry, there is always someone who is less technical than you!

Have a great Labor Day Weekend (in the US). I will be back on Tuesday.

With Respect,
Deb