September is National Hispanic Heritage and National Literacy Month. This combination is a great opportunity to expose your kids to Hispanic culture and encourage them to read.

Each Thursday in September, the books highlighted showcase Hispanic culture-and are personal favorites.

Enjoy, The Day It Snowed Tortillas / El Dia Que Nevaron Tortillas, Folktales told in Spanish and English-we did.

Books are an easy, fun and inexpensive way to give your children some of the tools they need to respect, celebrate and appreciate cultures, choices and abilities.

For a few books with a bit broader cultural context try these:

With Respect:
Deb

From bad to worse!

Some people just don’t get it-or are so interested in making money that they don’t care if they profit by abusing others.

CBS joins the rarefied crowd of those that ‘don’t get it’. As difficult as it is to believe, they replaced the controversial Don Imus with an even more (is it even possible) controversial racist, sexist and ethnocentric ’shock jock’.

Yep! They did it again when they announced that Craig Carton who’s history includes, Operation Rat a Rat/La Cucha Gotcha-a ‘game’ to turn in undocumented immigrants, ‘outing’ politicians THOUGHT to be gay and mocking Asians by mimicking accents and traditions.

To be fair, Carton wasn’t always a jerk. He has done sports formatted programs across the country and has successfully increased ratings in many of the markets he broadcast in. And like Imus, he has generously supported children’s charities. CBS is pairing him with ex-football player Boomer Esiason-who one can only hope will be the voice of reason.

CBS must think that-despite the Imus flap that there is a market for sexist, racist and other offensive programming. It is up to us to convince them that we don’t agree. This is the time to step up to the plate and vote with your pocketbook. Don’t listen to Carton’s show, don’t support the advertisers that support the show. Make your feelings about this type of programming known in the only way that CBS will respond to. We need to hit them in the pocketbook.

If you are serious about raising great kids, the example you set by fighting bias, racism etc will be the best thing that you do. They will know that you don’t just talk about changing things-you do something. That is more powerful than anything else you can do.

With respect
Deb

I spent most of yesterday in technology hell!

It was ugly-but not as bad as these true computer questions collected from different sources:

1. Who do I remove a banana shoved in the optical drive?

2. My laptop was run over by a bus. How long will it take for you to fix?

3. You mean that pop-out tray is not a cup holder.

4. I dropped my cell phone in my kid’s chocolate milk and it got sticky, so I washed it in the sink. Then it was wet and I put it in the oven to dry. Now it doesn’t work and I can’t figure out why.

5.My floppy disk that won’t stay in the disk drive, so I used Superglue to keep it in the drive.

Unfortunately, technology sometimes gets the better of us. But, not to worry, there is always someone who is less technical than you!

Have a great Labor Day Weekend (in the US). I will be back on Tuesday.

With Respect,
Deb

Kids all over the country are counting down the last days of summer-and so are their parents albeit for different reasons!

160,000 kids every day stay home due to bullying and 1 out of three kids in the US are effected by bullying-as victim, as onlooker or as a bully. And those are only the ones we know about.

Many bullying incidents take place out of the watchful eyes of parents and teacher-on the bus, on the playground and other places that kids frequent with some independence.

Bully on the Bus by Carl Bosch offers kids from 6-9 the opportunity to help a boy who is bullied on the school bus. The story invites the reader to weigh alternative and then explore the consequences of their choices. Not only are the kids actively engaged in the book, it is a great opportunity to get kids to talk about their experiences with bullies in a non-threatening, non-tattle-tale way.

In a world where bullying is at epidemic proportions and the consequences can be unbearable violence, we have to intervene before there is a problem. The old adage about sticks and stones has changed to sticks and stones can break your bones, and names can hurt you.

With respect
Deb

Eyes are the window of the soul.

And we also look at a person’s eyes and immediately assess what their race is. We automatically assume that a person with almond-shaped eyes is Asian. (By the way, rarely to Asians describe their eyes as almond-shaped. When asked the difference between their eyes and others, they are much more likely to refer to differences in color.)

Sometimes, Asian kids are teased because they have almond-shaped eyes. One Chinese woman recently told me that almond-shaped eyes are considered a sign of beauty as they are the same shape of the phoenix!

But looks can be deceiving.

Look carefully at Anjelina Jolie’s and Ben Affleck’s eyes. They are all beautifully almond-shaped-and I don’t think any of them are Asian!

The ‘take away’ for our kids is ‘don’t judge a book by its cover’ or a person by the way they look. We want our kids to be able to appreciate each other. In
Families are Forever, Rain sums it up when she says,”I could see we looked different…..Our eyes were different, but we could both see. Our lips were different but we could both smile.”

So before you or your kids jump to conclusions, take a step back and remember what Rain said. You can’t go wrong that way.

With Respect,
Deb

Stereotypes go both ways. They can be positive, i.e. all tall men play great basketball, or negative, i.e. Chinese people can’t run fast, but they are great at sports that require skill like gymnastics or diving.

I seriously didn’t make these examples up! In fact, in the last Olympics a Chinese hurdler won a gold medal-much to the shock of the Chinese press who cautioned the home-country fans not to get too excited because the Chinese-by some genetic fluke-just can’t run as fast as other people. Imagine the surprise when that man crossed the finish line first!

Take a look at this one…and remember kids need to be taught stereotypes!

From “Overheard in NY”

Teacher: And Montana–
Asian girl, interrupting: –Wait, isn’t Montana somewhere near Germany along with Maine?

–Bronx Science

Overheard by: LSB

Have a great weekend.

With Respect,
Deb

What little girl or boy can’t relate to dressing up in their parent’s clothes?

Mama’s Sari hones in on this universal experience as a mom and her seven year-old daughter select a sari for her to wear. Of course, the sari is gorgeous and the young girl begs her mother to wear it immediately. Of course, the mom relents and together they explore the traditions associated with saris.

There is a Hindi glossary that can help with the terms.

Mama’s Sari is another great example of how books can provide positive role models for kids of color and provide an introduction to a piece of Indian culture for everyone.

Do you have any favorite books, movies etc. that you want to recommend? Please don’t hesitate to let me know.

With Respect:
Deb

I confess, most of the time when I am ‘watching’ TV with my daughter, my mind is thousands of miles away. But sometimes something will penetrate the wall that I have put up and I find myself drawn to whatever is on the screen.

Today was one of those days.

We were watching the TV cartoon version of The Little Mermaid. It seems that a baby whale got separated from his parents and the Little Mermaid took him in and loved him. Whenever any kind of baby gets separated from his parents, my daughter has a visible and visceral reaction. She wanted that whale to find a family and was thrilled when the Little Mermaid took him in. Of course, the Little Mermaid was criticized by some friends for caring for and loving the whale-after all he was a whale and could make crab cakes out of dear Sebastian. Besides, he wasn’t “one of the them”.

But the Little Mermaid persevered and handle things quite well-for a mermaid. While she sang and sang about how love was all that matters I couldn’t help but think about the veracity of love conquering all.

Clearly, love is the bedrock from which our children grow and flourish, but is it really enough? I know it sounds heretical, but sometimes we just can’t love our children’s pain and issues away.

No matter how hard I try, I can’t replace my daughter’s birth parents or the pain that not knowing them causes her. I can never know what it really like to be a person of color in the US. That doesn’t mean I just walk away or shrug it off. Try as I might, I will never really understand how she feels. I used to feel badly about that but not any more. I am not a bad parent, I am a realistic one.

It means that I need to find the tools that will help her heal and to cope with the realities of her life-just like you do every day.

The world that my daughter-and your kids-are running in is quite different than the one we grew up in. Bullying is at epidemic proportions-160,000 kids stay home from school every day because of it. More and more children of color are being raised by Caucasian parents who will never understand what it is like to be a minority-let alone know how to model racial identities other than their own. Family structures have caused the definition of families to shift to accommodate the variety of families today. The list of significant differences is endless.

But some things haven’t changed-like our responsibility to help our kids navigate their unique place in the world, to provide language that doesn’t hurt others and a world view that allows them to accept and respect everyone-no matter how they may differ.

To be successful, our kids are going to have to be citizens of the world, able to deal with incredible diversity in people and experiences. You can start today-it is never too late!

Love comes first, but it not nearly enough.

With respect,
Deb

Did you read the article in a recent Wall Street Journal that announced that, based on a study conducted by Harvard professor, Dr. Robert Putnam, diversity is dead.

But is that really what Dr. Putnam said?

Not really.

What he did say was that diversity was “inevitable and desirable”. Diversity has proven to be a boon to the economy. That fact is born out by a study conducted by DiversityInc., which reports that over 300 of the Fortune 500 know that diversity is good for business and see diversity as a competitive advantage.

Studies have also revealed that diversity “fosters creativity and better and faster problem-solving.” I guess it is the ‘two heads are better than one’ theory on steroids!

At the end of the day, trying to stem the tide of diversity is like being the little boy Dutch boy with his finger in the dike. He couldn’t hold back the tides and neither can we.

And, really why would we try?

For parents there are two messages: first is a reminder that the media’s point of view-is only that-a point of view. It is the reporter’s interpretation of the world based on his or her own background listening. We all make judgements and interpretations based on our backgrounds-and we know that they aren’t always the truth. So be careful about believing everything you read or see-and help your children to realize the same. Careful evaluation of media-whatever media-will allow you and your children to glean the facts and then make your own interpretations-a hugely valuable skill for your children in our “Information Age”.

The second thing that parents can take away from this brouhaha is the realization that no matter what we do, or think,our kids do have to deal with people of every size, shape, color, and smell-and that is a GOOD THING.

As we become a more diverse society, kids who have been taught to celebrate similarities and differences can only benefit. Not only will their world view expand, they will be well on the way to a successful future.

And isn’t that our job-to prepare our kids for the future?

Incorporating diversity into your everyday lives is a daunting process. Many of us just throw in the towel, thinking that we just can’t do anything that will make a difference.

Try turning it around-what small thing can we do today that will help our kids realize that we are open to EVERYONE.

It may be as simple as pointing out an attractive person who doesn’t share any of your physical features. It could be looking for books that are fun to read but get the message across. It may mean watching TV with you child-with an eye towards pointing out biases and stereotypes.

It only takes a little push to get the ball rolling.

Consider yourself pushed!

With Respect,
Deb

I am a voracious reader. I read a variety of books, magazines and newspapers-from treasures to trash. I tend to remember bits and pieces of things that I read and then pull them out of my brain when I need them.

This happened yesterday as we wandered through the Zoo. My daughter and I were accompanied by our Shanghai-born friend, Ming and her two daughters, Lulu and Isabella. As I walked around-the sole Caucasian in our little group-people we interacted with thought Ming was the girls’ mother and I was…well, I am not sure that I what was. And, I felt self-concious. And no, I am not happy that I had that kind of reaction, but it was there, none the less.

I was reminded of Steven Covey’s Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Unfortunately, I can only remember one of the seven habits-but that is another story! One of the seven habits that Covey considers essential is the ability to see the world through someone else’s point of view in order to work, communicate and otherwise interact effectively with her.

The story he used to illustrate this took place one Sunday morning when he was in the subway in NYC. He recounts being annoyed as a father sat on the subway while his unruly children created some havoc. Covey and the family were alone in the car, so Covey decided to approach the father-partly out of concern for their safety and partly to restore peace and quiet to the subway car.

Covey got an unexpected reaction to his complaint. The father told him that the children’s mother had died an hour ago and he thought it was better for them to let off some steam than to discipline them.

Of course, there was no way Covey could have known what the man was thinking-anymore that we know what someone is thinking. Covey’s point is that we have to consider that the other person’s point of view can be quiet different from what we think it might be. Before we go off half-cocked, he suggests we consider other reasons that a person may behave in a particular way.

So, here I was-a minority in the group and getting a small taste of what my daughter might deal with. People told Ming that she was lucky to have three beautiful daughters etc, etc., etc. I found myself on the outside looking in-and I didn’t like it. I am pretty secure with my role as my daughter’s mother so, I didn’t do anything particularly stupid (I hope) to ‘claim’ my daughter as “mine”, but I did get a real idea of what she might feel like when she is the only Asian in the crowd.

It is experiences like this, which remind me that we aren’t-and shouldn’t be-color blind-but that we need to be sensitive to the biases that we bring to every situation. We really can’t assume that we know the score-unless we really know the score. We need to consider that we might be wrong about people and situations.

It also reminds me that if I was aware-and even a tad uncomfortable-as the outsider then I might have an insight into how to help my daughter when she is situations that make her an ‘outsider’.

For me, the experience was short-lived and I knew it would end when we left the environment. I hope that my daughter will have the same experience.

For today, I am going to keep Covey’s ideas on the front burner-maybe later, I will go figure out the other six habits.

Today is the day not to make assumptions about people, places and things. If I can do it today, then maybe I can continue it until it truly becomes a habit.

With respect,
Deb