My daughter-who is 7-has been begging me for a cell phone. Apparently, all of her friends have cell phones. I would like to know who they are calling during the day when they are at school and/or camp-but that is a different story.

I have repeatedly told my daughter that I will not consider a cell phone for her until she is older/and or is going places on her own-for safety. Of course, this doesn’t stop the crying about why she is the only one without a cell phone-she is also the only one without an in-ground pool and a pony, too, so the cell phone crisis is more acute because it seems so available.

But, that is not the story. As she was begging, she asked me when my mother had gotten me my first cell phone. I then clued her in to life in the Dark Ages, before cell phones, computers, 1000 TV channels, video games and other ‘must haves’ for today’s kids.

She was shocked. She wanted to know how we spent out time-and what we did to keep boredom at bay.

But she was really concerned about the insurmountable dilemnas associated with not having a cell phone would cause. “How,” she cried, “could you text message?”

I couldn’t help but laugh. First, I have never sent a text message. Secondly, she was just devastated by the idea that the world once existed without this kind of technology.

I relate this story for two reasons-it is truly entertaining. More importantly, it showed me just how much my daughter wants to fit in with her friends.

By and large, her friends come from wealthy families and want for nothing (except, perhaps their parent’s attention) and she wants what they want-without having to give up the time she spends with me).

She is also acutely aware that she is one of the only-Asians, adoptee, single parent family with a working mom.

The inability to have a cell phone just hits a little too close to home. Of course, I could get her a cell phone, but that would only put a band-aid on the real issue-her self-esteem. My job as I see it is two-fold. One is to make myself obsolete-independence is a wonderful gift for children. The second is to do what I can to help her navigate her place in the world. A world in which she can be considered different on several fronts.

To combat this, we work hard to accept and respect other cultures, races, choices and traditions. We actively seek out friends of all shapes, sizes, and colors. We talk about judging people by the way they look or talk-or anything else that makes them different than we are. It is a conscious effort-and it does take work, because for me, it meant that I had to put aside my biases and re-focus my view of the world.

Kids will not make the judgements of “good” or “bad” until we tell them what good or bad is. Young kids, in particular, are incredibly accepting. We are trying to expose ourselves to all different kinds of people (some even without cell phones).

My daughter is being raised to believe that different is just different not better or worse.

How are your kids being raised?

With respect,
Deb

I know, I usually make this fun Friday, but I saw this on www.overheadatthebeach.com and it stopped me cold. If Overheard at the beach really comprises things that people actually overhear and submit then this is racism at its worst-and reflects the ignorance of the speaker.

If it is a “joke” that is even worse. “Jokes” can and do reinforce and spread racism and bias. When we think we are ‘funny’ at someone else’s expense-what does that say about us?

Ask yourself if this is funny or racist-it can’t be both can it?

I Was Told This Was a Gated Community

Mom: I don’t think we can stay at this hotel the whole time.
Daughter: Why? What’s wrong? It’s not that bad…
Mom: No, there’s just so many Mexicans at the pool.
Daughter: We’re in Mexico, mother!

–Puerto Vallarta, Mexico

With Respect:
Deb

We just finished watch “Quest for Dragons” on the History Channel, so when I came across little story it really made me laugh. I hope you enjoy it as well.

Like Dragons?

Girl #1: Rhinos have two horns.
Girl #2: I thought they had one, like a unicorn.
Girl #3: Aren’t unicorns extinct?

–Kenai, Alaska

via Overheard at the Beach, May 26, 2007

I hope everyone had a safe and happy July 4th.

Despite intermittent rain, we spent the day at a pool party. There were about a dozen kids having a great time splashing around and moving from the hot tub to the pool. Pedistrian kid stuff for July 4th.

At one point, the kids were all in the hot tub-eleven blonde-haired, blue-eyed kids and one Asian girl-my daughter. They started to compare their summer tans. Needless to say the blondes were on the pale side of tan. My daughter, on the other hand, gets quite dark.

That is when something amazing happened! As the kids started to even hint that darker skin was not desirable, my daughter piped up and said “just think if all the flowers were the same color-that would be so boring. Its the same with people. Our differences make the world interesting.” Then she proceeded to organize the kids on a ‘color hunt’ in the flower garden. They were able to pick out dozens of colors-including several shades of blue from one hydranga bush. She had made her point.

Needless to say, I was bursting with pride. The other parents looked on in amazement at the entire exchange. First of all, they were surprised the kids started the skin color conversation! Secondly, the ease in which my daughter handled the question and then the live example was a great sight to see.

Then I thought about some of my own rantings on this blog. Sometimes, I seem santimonious and for that I apologize. That is not my intent. My intent is to raise our collective consciousnesses to embrace the fact that we can do something about bias and racism-and it only helps our kids deal with the world around them.

When we do it right-or even if we just try-the results are amazing.

What did your kids do to amaze you on July 4th?

With respect and celebration,
Deb

Why-a zorse, of course!

In what must be the ultimate “inter-racial” relationship, a safari park in Germany bred a horse and a zebra and getting-you guessed it-a zorse!

A male zebra and a female horse “accidentally” produced a baby zorse or zebroid.

The little cutie, a female, is unusual-not because she is the product of her parents but because instead of morphing the traits of both parents which results in muted striped all over, this gal has only two patches of strips!

Officials at the park are concerned that the little zorse be lonely without anyone who looks like her and so they are searching for a boyfriend for her. They fear that she will be ostracized and then become depressed because she is different.

It appears that being different when you are young-whatever the circumstances-is not desirable. Remember that they next time you see or hear something that might make another kid feel different or somehow not worth as much as someone else.

If it could happen to a zorse it could happen to all of our kids!

Have a great weekend! And if you happen to see a zorse roaming around your neighborhood who looks like he needs a friend-have I got a girl for you!