Susan Boyle-Before               -Susan Boyle-After

                    Lin Miaoke-seen but not heard             Yang Peiyi, heard but not seen

 Ok, you can admit it.  When you saw Susan Boyle walk on stage you rolled your eyes and thought, “oh my God, what is she doing?”  Of course, that attitude came crashing down the minute she opened her mouth.  Like the judges-and everyone who saw Susan Boyle get on that ”Britians Got Talent” stage you let your pre-conceived ideas of what an entertainer looks like color your judgement. 

Ironically, we are the same people that reacted with distaste when we discovered that Lin Miaoke was actually lip-synching during the Opening Ceremonies of the Beijing Olympics.  Apparently, someone decided that the actual singer, Yang Peiyi, wasn’t cute enough to be seen and heard!

If, as adults, this dicotomy is diffult to grapple with imagine what it does to our kids.  We tell them not to judge people by the way they look, yet they see adults doing it all the time.  They feel our outrage when a child is penalized because she isn’t cute enough to be seen but is talented enough to be heard. Yet when Susan Boyle stands on a stage we quickly judge that she can’t be talented.

We tell our kids don’t judge books by their covers when in fact we do judge books by their covers.  If we didn’t, then publishers wouldn’t spend enormous quantities of money on designing book covers!  We also judge people by the way they look, sound, smell or other cues that may or may not indicate what they are really like or what talents lay hidden beneath the surface.  We are in fact, human.

So rather than telling our kids not to judge the proverbial book by its cover and holding them to a higher standard than we hold ourselves, perhaps we should be teaching our kids to do something that they can succeed at.  Maybe the message for our kids is to be aware of our immediate judgements-note them and then put them aside until we have had a chance to get to know the person better.

Maybe, just maybe, our kids will be able to suspend judgement-positive or negative-until they have more information.

Maybe, just maybe-we adults should try to model that behavior….or at least be consistent.  If we are appalled that Yang Peiyi didn’t get a fair shake because she wasn’t cute enough then we should be equally appalled that Susan Boyle didn’t get a fair shake initially either.

How do you model accepting and respectful behavior for your kids?

With gratitude,

Deb

Well, who woulda thunk it?

JK Rowlings recently revealed that the beloved headmaster of Harry Potter’s Hogwarts, the late Albus Dumbledore, was gay! According to Rowlings, the signs were there all along-if one read between the lines. The object of Dumbledore’s affections-his boyhood friend and rival wizard Gellert Grindelwald.

According to Rowling, the reaction has been mostly supportive, leading many to believe that we have turned the corner on our ability to accept a person’s sexual orientation-and not let it get in the way of his/her other qualities. Is it possible that the smoke has cleared and we are able to see the real person-who happens to be gay?

Maybe.

We are certainly a long way from the fury over the sexual orientation of one of the Teletubbies and from 2005 when PBS decided not to distribute an episode of “Postcards From Buster” that had been criticized by Education Secretary Margaret Spellings for including lesbian characters.

No matter what your sexual orientation, the acceptance of Dumbledore as a kind, caring, dedicated and talented person-who happens to be gay-is a major step forward in respecting and celebrating all cultures, choices and ‘abilities’. All of our children will be the beneficiaries as this new-and hopefully-lasting attitude removes one spoke in the wheel of bias.

Let’s try not to screw it up with our own biases.

With respect,
Deb

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about the importance of ethic role models for children by relating how my daughter responded to receiving a doll-Wan Ling. Some people thought that it was a shame that my daughter’s self-esteem was buoyed by a look-alike doll and not from her inner strength-or my parenting!

In response to one of the poll questions, one person wrote about a friend who’s nephew has down syndrome child:I think not seeing images of kids like himself–I think this also goes for physically challenged –in movies, cartoons, and especially animated movies (his favorite) really does a disservice to him and other children who are only use to seeing images that look like only like themselves.

But perhaps the most important comment came from an astute 12 year old girl who joined her family from China via adoption from China. Melody was responding to the comments made about American Girl’s new “Asian” doll, Ivy Ling-a sidekick to another American Girl doll named Julie:

My Mom bought me the Julie books and the Ivy book several weeks ago. I like that there are some Asian influences in the books, especially, the one called, “Happy New Year, Julie”, but I found that the majority of the books barely expressed the fact that Ivy was Chinese. Some of the books barely mentioned Ivy at all. I would like for AG to come out with a historical, Chinese-American doll that is not just a side-kick.

This is not about all of us looking alike. And, it is true that some Asian characteristics are more prominent in some people. In fact, Ivy looks great as a bi-racial doll. It would be fine if one of her parents was Caucasian and the other Chinese. But remember, Ivy Ling is not a bi-racial doll. She has two full, Chinese parents. All of the adopted Chinese-American children that I have ever met have certain characteristics such as almond-shaped eyes, and I would like a doll to look like that.

It is easy for us to make judgements about what others-who may be different than-us feel should be important. But until we walk in their shoes, we have to listen to what matters to the people directly effected. Until we can do that, it is all too easy to pass off ethnic role models and people-first language as political correctness on steroids.

In the case of ethnic role models, it seems that kids feel that they need more.

I hope people listen.

With Respect,
Deb

But I Can Get by in English, As Long As They Speak Slowly

Canadian girl to Americans: Oh my god! You guys speak Canadian? We’ve been looking for other people who speak Canadian!

American guy: Yup, only Canadian. No American or English. Only Canadian.

Canadian girl: Awesome! Me, too!

–Punta Cana, Dominican Republic

I just couldn’t resist….given my post earlier in the week…

Enjoy!

As In: Bitch, Please, I Know What It Is!

Toddler, pointing out window: Bitch!
Grandmother: Bridge. It’s a bridge.
Toddler: Bitch!

–F train

Overheard by: Russ Wall

via Overheard in New York, Aug 4, 2007
And that’s it!

I want to thank Michelle for pointing out that I had cited the incorrect site for the makers of those wonderful dolls that I highlighted yesterday.

The correct web address is www.karitokids.com

Have fun shopping.

With respect and apologies,
Deb

That’s right, Tinkerbell is black!

We were watching the Disney Channel last night and at the commercial break, the Disney logo came up and to my great surprise, Tinkerbell-with black skin-fluttered by.

I was so shocked that I asked my daughter what color Tink’s skin was. She looked at me like I had gone crazy and replied, “black.”

In general, I don’t love Disney’s story lines-parents being killed, kids being abandoned, the lack of authentic ethnic role models (except maybe for Mulan-but my jury is still out on her, too) and other ‘exciting’ story lines.

So, for me to be singing Disney’s praises is a bit unusual. But, do you think they are ‘getting’ it. Do you think that Disney execs and creative people have finally realized that the world is more multi-dimensional, culture and racial than ever?

Some people will bash them for ‘pandering’ to ethnic groups in order to increase their bottom line and stock price. So what. They should be able to reap the rewards of recognizing that the world is not black and white.

Of course, my days of Disney bashing and of rolling my eyes and sighing, ‘don’t get me started on Disney’ are over. I applaud them for making what must have seemed like a risky move-after all Tinkerbell is not unrecognizable. The choice of Tinkerbell to carry the diversity flag for Disney says to me that they wanted the world to take notice.

Don’t worry about me, though. There are still plenty of people out there-especially in the media and entertainment world-who still need to ‘get it’ and provide our kids with realistic cultural and ethnic role model-and not in isolation. They need to be stars, to take risks and model the behavior that will lead our kids to a successful future.

With Respect,
Deb

Every Four-Year-Old Knows a Teenager Like This

Four-year-old camper: Do you got a car?
14-year-old counselor: Uh, I can’t drive.
Four-year-old camper: So does your mom bring you here?!
14-year-old counselor: Yeah. I mean, I live in El Cerrito.
Four-year-old camper: But does that mean you live with your mom or something? Aren’t you in college?!
14-year-old counselor: Well, the truth is my license was revoked after I ran over those aliens. The FBI was angry because they needed to talk to them about the plans for the United States embassy on Mars, but it has to be kept hush-hush since the North Koreans may be on to them.
Four-year-old camper: Ohhh…

–California

via Overheard at the Beach, Jul 7, 2007

Whenever something irritates my friend, Johnny, he says “that really chaps my a–! And that describes how I felt last night at a local carnival.

I witness something that made more than my buttocks chap! I think my whole body was vibrating in anger!

Here’s the scene:

The carnival was crowded and kids were being asked to double and triple up on the “Sizzler” which had quite a line. No problem, right? That is a reasonable request. Some my crew got into the seat (which easily accommodated three kids).

Of course, not everyone could follow the rules? One mom had two girls on the ride-each in their own car! The attendant didn’t notice as he was busy getting everyone strapped in (the girls had already been on the ride).

When the ride ended everyone got off the ride-some kids wanted to ride again and so queued up again. Not the girls, though. Their mother was screaming from the sidelines-”stay on, stay on”. When the girls made a move to ride together the screaming (and I mean screaming) continued-”don’t move,” the mom shouted above the din.

This time the attendant did see the girls-first in separate cars and then realized that they hadn’t gotten off and were riding again-even though the line was snaking around the corner with other kids (including mine)who were waiting. As the attendant approached the girls, he politely asked them to get off and get back on the line if they wanted to ride again-the same rule that applied to
everyone else in at the ride.

Well, you would have thought that their mother had been stung by a bee-she literally leaped over the fence and started screaming at the kids to stay put. The kids were frozen-they didn’t know whether to stay or get off. The mother exchanged heated words with the attendant-”why is this such a big deal-they aren’t bothering anyone. I paid my money just like everyone else.” Again, the attendant tried to explain that there were other children waiting and that kids had to get off of the ride and get back on line if they wanted to ride again-and that they had to double up if there was a line.

That is when the mother went crazy; screaming at the attendant (who, as a reminder, was doing his job). The attendant finally gave up and the girls continued to ride.

Why did this ‘chap my a–’?

It wasn’t just the display-which I found disgusting. It was the sense of entitlement that this woman demonstrated. For whatever reason, she felt that the rules did not apply to her family.

What does that mean for her kids-they will likely grow up with a sense of entitlement-to follow only the rules which apply to them-continuing the cycle.

As with all behavior that negatively effects our children and communities has to be stopped-and that buck starts and stops with us. Think about the last time you were talking on your cell phone while driving (which is illegal in several states) or ignored a restaurant’s ‘no cell phone policy’. When we think about our own behavior, and how many times we teach our kids by example that the rules don’t apply to us, we are as culpable as the lady at the carnival.

Are you vigilant in following the rules-even when it isn’t convienient-as an example to your kids?

Let’s make a committment today to break this vicious cycle!

With respect and celebration,
Deb

PS: for more kids book reviews go to As Simple As That . We would love to take a look at your favorite books, too.