Remember I told you about my new caregiver-Daniel (the manny)? Daniel is a pleasant All-American kid, finishing up college and aspires to teach math to middle schoolers.
Kind of your ‘average Joe’, so I was surprised when he told me the story of what happened to him at a local gas station.

He needed gas, but didn’t have much money on him, so he was scrounging around his car looking for loose change. When he tried to hand the attendant his money-which he admits was a little sticky-the attendant shouted at him that he was not going to take his ‘dirty money’. Of course, ‘dirty money’ doesn’t always mean that the money isn’t physically clean-but is generally assumed to mean it is tainted somehow-at least in our country.

Oh, by the way, keep in mind that the attendant was of Middle Eastern descent and may have, in fact, been disturbed that the money was not clean (as in spic ‘n span clean-not legimate clean).

Daniel responded to the attendant with a snide and inappropriate comment about the gentleman’s gratitude for the honor of living in the United States.
Needless to say, this generated an equally hostile response from the attendant and Daniel ended up leaving the money on top of the counter and stalking away. With his anger Daniel took away a little more evidence to support his ‘truth’ about people from the Middle East and maybe even all immigrants.

What really happened?

Was the real problem that the attendant didn’t want to take money that was dirty, sticky or otherwise unappealing. Maybe he wanted Daniel to find money that was more acceptable. I think that is a reasonable explanation for the encounter.

Daniel reacted as he did-not because he is a bad person but because he has biases that get cemented by the media-don’t all Middle Eastern people hate Americans and are just waiting for the next opportunity to cause our country harm-and other experiences.

Don’t get me wrong: there is a lot of anti-American sentiment in the Middle East and there are people, though not exclusively of Middle Eastern descent that are planning our demise-and this becomes our opinion of all people from the Middle East.

Daniel fell into a classic stereotypical racist trap-one dictated by his biases about people from the Middle East.

What do you think Daniel would have done if the gas station attendant had been a white kid? Probably would have found some cleaner money.

We have to actively work against knee-jerk biased reactions. Education helps. So does a cool head and the presence of mind to understand why we think and act like we do. No one says it is easy-but at this point in world history do we have any choice.

Makes you think, doesn’t it.
deb

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Summer vacation has arrived at my house and the words “I’m bored” have already escaped my seven-year olds lips. To make matters worse, most of the schools in the area are still in session and none of the summer activities have started-not that it matters. My daughter has adamantly and steadfastly refused to go to camp for the summer. She wants a babysitter (of course, what she really wants is for me to spend the summer with her as her entertainment director-which just ain’t gonna happen!). So, I got her a babysitter.

Back to the babysitter saga. I think I interviewed 15 or 20 college age girls. Not one of them was a ‘doer’-someone who could keep a bright and energetic seven year old out of my office. They didn’t bike, swim, play soccer. They didn’t like board games, reading or going to the library. They did like to get their nails done and play inside. I was beginning to get discouraged. Would I ever find someone who would keep my child safe while keeping her busy?

Then along came Daniel. That’s right, Daniel-a 21 year-old college student-and yes, he is male.
And yes, he is great!

When my mother heard the news she was aghast-’a boy, what is wrong with him that he wants to babysit.’ She didn’t seem to hear the part about his great references and that he was going into elementary school teaching. She could only focus on his sex! In her mind, boys should not be babysitters and if they were they must be pedophiles.

Talk about bias-or yet another ‘ism’ and right under my nose.

My daughter ‘graduated’ from second grade today. It was a lovely occasion. As I sat with the other parents at the poolside graduation party we reminisced about the school year that had just ended. As we chatted, one of the children-the only black person in the class-was reprimanded by the lifeguard. One of the parents shrugged his shoulders and said, “I knew it would Samuel who got into trouble-you know how these people are.”

These people? Just who were these people? Were ‘these people’ black people? Were they young people? Were they boy people? Second grade people? Or people not like him? More importantly how did we get from one kid’s behavior to these people?

I was horrified by his statement and his attitude and I contemplated ignoring him-after all, I was enjoying a rare afternoon out of the office. But I knew that I couldn’t. I don’t think we can pick and choose when and if we are going to fight racism. We either do it-or we don’t. So, I did-and it felt good.

Later, when my daughter got in the car she said to me, “I liked the way you stood up for Samuel. It made me sure that you would stick up for me-you know that I am a person of color, too.”

I learned a great lesson today. You can talk about the issues like racism, but it doesn’t count until your kid sees or hears you take a stand against racist behavior.

Today I put my money where my mouth is….and I hit the jackpot.

What would you have done?

Over the weekend, I went to see my cousin’s daughter in her first Off Off Broadway play-a satire, mocking Italian-Americans from New York. The play was written and directed by an Italian-American and several of the cast members were Italian-American. Since I am an Italian-American from New York, I suppose they thought I would laugh at jokes–instead I was thinking about the line between satire and racism and when does satire cross the line into racism-if it does.

Do we use satire to hide racism? Is it satire if we pick fun at members of our own racial, ethnic or cultural group and racism if we direct comments and behavior toward another group?

I looked up the definitions of racism and satire and here is what I found–satire is a literally tone used to ridicule or make fun of human vices or weakness. Many definitions state that in order for it to be satire the intent of the ridicule is to correct or change the subject of the satiric attack. Most definitions assert that the satiric attack is ‘witty’ and implicitly constructive.

Racism, as defined by the Oxford English Dictionary, is “a belief that all members of each race possess characteristics or abilities specific to that race-especially to distinguish superiority or inferiority vis a vis other races.” The Merriam-Webster’s Webster’s Dictionary adds racism “is a belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities. The Macquarie Dictionary adds that races have distinctive characteristics which determine their respective cultures. All of the definitions incorporate the idea that one’s own race is superior and has the right to rule or dominate others.

I guess I don’t really see the difference between racism and satire. Satire does seem like a license to promote racism. The fact that satire is supposed to ‘correct’ something seems preposterous and pompous.

No, I didn’t laugh at the jokes mocking Italian-Americans. Maybe they were just not funny. Or maybe, the differences between satire and racism are just too close to call and I would rather err of the side of caution.

Whatever the reason, I would encourage you to look at how you look at satire-and make sure it really isn’t racism.

Cheers, Deb

On this blog we are going to focus on discussing easy-to-implement strategies to expose children to diverse people and ideas-and its benefits. Decades of social science research has show us that children who are exposed to a wide variety of people and ideas are far less likely to become biased-or worse-and are less likely to tolerate bullying behavior in any form.

Kids who have the ability to interact successfully with all kinds of people can face the 21st Century with confidence and skills that will serve them a lifetime.